Wondering

Life is so crazy sometimes. I feel like, as a child, the thought of becoming a college student and "growing up" seemed so far away that it would just never happen. Now I'm in the middle of it, and it seems to fly by before I can blink twice. Not only am I changing as a person, but the people around me are changing so quickly. I've lost count of how many of my friends are either getting married or skipping the whole marriage thing and just getting pregnant first. So many things are happening at once, I almost can't focus on one solitary thing.

I have to keep my attitude in check, because when I see all of this happening I get so jealous. I find myself wishing I at least had a boyfriend, but knowing that I really just want to get married like everyone else. At one point I was semi-close to being engaged, but now I'm back to a lonely square one. Why?

But through all this...I know what is right. I know all the answers, in my head at least. I'm waiting for those answers to slowly creep down into my heart, for the truth of God's word to give me the peace that surpasses all understanding. I know God loves me more than I could ever imagine, and that He has a plan for me. It's just so difficult sometimes for me to see beyond my own nose.

Philippians 4:4-7
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. the Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

New beginnings...

Well, it looks like I've finally outgrown Xanga. I tried to delete my current account and create a new one, because the old one just got...well, old. But it was malfunctioning and talking back to me, so I decided to try blogger instead.

I feel as though this summer is going to be a catalyst for a lot of change in my life. I'm not sure what will change yet, but I just have that gut feeling. Last summer was rough. But this summer I feel myself growing in a lot of areas, and I know I can count on God to use those areas of growth to really change me. I'm looking forward to the end result, as well as walking the path with my Savior right at my side.

We have just finished our second week at camp, and I am completely exhausted! These first four weeks of combined camp and staff training have been emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining. But, as usual, I still love camp. I'm excited to be working with the people there, making new friends and reinforcing the friendships I already had. I can't wait to see what else God will accomplish this summer through us as a united camp staff.

Here are some musings from my notebook this week...

"The Creator of galaxies and e-minors loves me...completely. He wants me in all my totality, all that I am, all that I have to give. Of course, all that I have could never be enough to satisfy the treasury that He has given me...but it is the best that I can do."

"Salvation not only has preserved me for heaven and set me apart for His work, but it will one day completely restore me to the image of my Creator who loves me like none other."

"The silence threatens
To take me with its volume
And there I cease to be."

"It feels so strange.
You, who once made my heart take flight...
the same you invokes such a dead response;
from the core of my being.

{Will it beat again?}

Will there be another heart that races with mine
when their faces meet?"