Tears slid off my face and fell into a mediocre puddle on the top of my dresser as I hunched over it and wept. A spiritual kick in the butt from a brother in Christ is almost always well-intended and beneficial, but rarely is it enjoyable and painless. Once again I was convicted of the greatest crime of Christianity - pride and selfishness, the root of all things anti-God. It is amazing how God uses the Body of Christ to build you up, even though the building-up process can only come once you have torn down the old structure of sin nature.
What is it this time, you ask? Well, I think it goes something like this - I had been focusing on the minute details of life, the little things that made me happy, instead of keeping God's overall desire and plan in view. I let myself get wrapped up in the daily pleasures that I thought would "keep me going", then I realized that I was pushing away the only One who could actually fulfill that role. I failed to remember that every day was a gift, that I should spend it thinking of ways to better serve Him in the long run even if today is my last. Why do I get so upset over work, not being able to spend time with my boyfriend, money situations, homework...when all of these are so small compared to what His ultimate plan is. Now, I don't mean that we all have to live in a way that is disappointing and a neverending weariness...but I do mean that we must live with His ultimate plan in mind, and operate with total submission and obedience to that plan.
Wow, it's hard. Especially being a girl, it's so difficult to not let my emotions get the best of me, particularly when I am tired (yep, I just stereotyped myself. Woohoo.)But that is exactly why God has placed people in my life to help me realize my faults and refocus on Who and What is actually more important. Thank you to all of you who have (and continue to) fulfill that role of encourager and exhorter in my life. May God somehow be glorified in my faulty attempt at being an obedient, willing child.
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